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Sunday, March 27, 2005

good news

Friday I went with my mother to the doctor. It was an important appointment. Mom had a CT scan last week, and it's been almost a month since her last chemo treatment. We were all worried--the physician's assistant had freaked us out more than just a little at her last appointment, as he stated matter-of-factly, "Well, of course, you know you've got bone cancer." Uh, NO. In fact, the oncologist had told us that she in fact DID NOT have bone cancer, but instead breast cancer that had manifested in various places, including some bone lesions.

So, needless to say, we were all anxious. Anxious for clarification, hopeful that we would hear something positive and that Mom wouldn't be facing another round of chemo.

The doctor entered the room all smiles, and a bit surprised I think, to see not only my mom and dad, but also my sister, my sister-in-law, and myself crowded in. He looked at my mom, and gushed over how good she looked. Then he took off his glasses, smiled again, and said, "I'm going to take my time and savor this, because I have nothing but good news for you."

I won't go into all the detailed medical specifics that I don't totally understand myself. I'll just give it to you in the simplest way he gave it to us: If 10 is the worst you could be, and 1 is healthy, my mom started her treatments at 9. He said that at this point, she is somewhere between a 2 and a 3. Not total remission, but really close. For now, no more chemo. Just her daily dose of hormone pills and regular doctor visits, blood tests and the occasional CT scan.

Really good news.

So why do I still feel scared? I feel tears of relief every time I think about it, but I still feel nervous. It's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe that's the insidious nature of cancer, how it slowly destroys not only the body, but also the ability to trust in health. She's okay, for now. No guarantees of the future.

Is that ungrateful of me? Maybe. And I do know that none of us have any guarantees, that we are all fragile and vulnerable at any moment of any day. So for now, I just have to be grateful for the present and enjoy the fact that my mom is better. For now.

Monday, March 21, 2005

ironic

I should have known better. As soon as I make a post about how I'm writing so much more, work sidelines me and I am unable to post to any of my blogs for over a week. And it looks like I've got another crazy week ahead. I'll be back...eventually.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

revelation

I realized this morning that I am writing more.

Now it's not that this is a startling revelation--clearly my decision to maintain not one but three blogs, in addition to the one I keep for my classes, necessitates a good deal of writing. It makes sense that I am indeed spending more time getting the words down. But that's not exactly what I mean.

It's not just that I am writing more often. I am writing with more focus and more enjoyment than I have in years. And I am writing, even when I am not writing.

Case in point, on Friday, during yet another God-forsaken in-service, I found myself thinking in terms of blog topics as I listened to the speaker drone on and on. Because I am blogging, my professional life has taken on a new purpose. I look at my career, my students, and my reaction to them more reflectively. "How do I know what I think until I see what I say?" adorned my walls for years. Now I am really putting it into practice.

Another example: This morning, while reading an article in The Sun, I suddenly had an idea for my writing prompt blog. This has happened several times over the last two weeks, and it's pretty exciting to me.

In short, while none of this may be much of a revelation to the rest of you prolific bloggers out there, it's making me feel like a writer again for the first time in a long time. It's a great feeling.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

some teachers

As I have noted before, my 12 year old stepson is having more than a few problems at school. He's never done well in school, but this year he has hit an all time low. While the responsibility for his poor performance rests squarely on his own narrow little shoulders, I want to take this opportunity to vent about some teachers.

Before I vent, let me state for the record that I believe that most teachers do a wonderful job. As a teacher myself, I am aware that nothing is perfect, and that teachers face tremendous obstacles everyday to competently performing their task of educating our youth.

HOWEVER

Some teachers really tick me off. Some teachers do things like assigning packets of busy work every three weeks, packets that may only be completed in class, packets that involve nothing more than copying the answer directly from the reading material onto the worksheet, packets that do NOT lead to engaging class discussion or any actual teaching (or learning) at all, and some teachers only dole out grades on said packets and very little else. In what world could such a description possibly be qualified as TEACHING?

I sincerely hope that if ever I am tempted to become like some teachers, I will do the honorable thing and seek another profession.