good news
Friday I went with my mother to the doctor. It was an important appointment. Mom had a CT scan last week, and it's been almost a month since her last chemo treatment. We were all worried--the physician's assistant had freaked us out more than just a little at her last appointment, as he stated matter-of-factly, "Well, of course, you know you've got bone cancer." Uh, NO. In fact, the oncologist had told us that she in fact DID NOT have bone cancer, but instead breast cancer that had manifested in various places, including some bone lesions.So, needless to say, we were all anxious. Anxious for clarification, hopeful that we would hear something positive and that Mom wouldn't be facing another round of chemo.
The doctor entered the room all smiles, and a bit surprised I think, to see not only my mom and dad, but also my sister, my sister-in-law, and myself crowded in. He looked at my mom, and gushed over how good she looked. Then he took off his glasses, smiled again, and said, "I'm going to take my time and savor this, because I have nothing but good news for you."
I won't go into all the detailed medical specifics that I don't totally understand myself. I'll just give it to you in the simplest way he gave it to us: If 10 is the worst you could be, and 1 is healthy, my mom started her treatments at 9. He said that at this point, she is somewhere between a 2 and a 3. Not total remission, but really close. For now, no more chemo. Just her daily dose of hormone pills and regular doctor visits, blood tests and the occasional CT scan.
Really good news.
So why do I still feel scared? I feel tears of relief every time I think about it, but I still feel nervous. It's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe that's the insidious nature of cancer, how it slowly destroys not only the body, but also the ability to trust in health. She's okay, for now. No guarantees of the future.
Is that ungrateful of me? Maybe. And I do know that none of us have any guarantees, that we are all fragile and vulnerable at any moment of any day. So for now, I just have to be grateful for the present and enjoy the fact that my mom is better. For now.
posted by lit lover at
10:03 AM
|